There never really was a fall from grace. All that happened is a thought about separation which expanded into an entire scenario and became an imaginary continuum. Did you do anything wrong? No, because there never was anyone there to do anything. In actuality nothing happened- or is happening- except projections on a neutral screen of a movie called ‘my life’.
And yet the judgement of ourselves for what we feel is the responsibility – or more accurately – the reaction, to separating ourselves from the One Source is a life time of self inflicted pain; in every way we can imagine plus a few extra ones thrown in when the cat o’ nine tails wears out. (For those who have no idea what this is, it’s a type of multi-tailed whipping device that originated as an implement for severe physical punishment).
The pain of making ourselves ill, driving ourselves into the ground with achievement to reach a place where we feel better about ‘me’, punishing ourselves with diets, exercise, restrictions and endless judgements about how ‘bad’ we are, how ‘unlovable’ we are, how we can never be happy until… etc, etc. These are all the bitter grapes of a mind that is constantly reacting to a deep and often imperceptible state of guilt.
But you didn’t do anything wrong and there is no-one who is going to rack you to a cross and crucify you.
Except that is, yourself.
Recently, a realisation arose in my mind. It was that in all these seeming years on my journey through the apparent passage of time, I have lived in reaction to something. First it seems that these reactions are gross, for instance, I receive a bill and have to generate income to pay it, or I have an illness and go to the Dr. for medication, or another apparent someone crashes into ‘my’ car and I react by getting out and jumping up and down like a baboon. But the more layers that got peeled off through meditation, especially the Vipassana technique, the more I saw that these were simply guises for a less perceptible, more subtle disturbance in the flow of things. In other words, reactions within reactions!
Focusing awareness yet deeper, a primal chasm was revealed that had an association with separation from a singularity and a subsequent creation of ‘me’. This so called independent creation, supposedly invented by ‘me’, constantly expresses its fundamental flaw in the continual discomfort of separation; which is guilt and then judgement plus shame. This very low frequency state, i.e., guilt, has been defined as:
‘A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offence, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.’ Emphasis on imagined!
It is fundamentally flawed because it is based on the illusion that we are separate entities in control of our lives, performing a series of actions for which we are completely and irreversibly responsible.
For some, to contemplate a life without guilt would cause a reaction of anger as they immediately reel from the idea that everyone is guiltless. Because who would be responsible for everything that is wrong with the world and especially all the things that were/are done to ‘me’ and ‘my’ loved ones. Not to mention, it would bring an end to all the Jerry Springer, Trisha, Jeremy Kyle BS shows in which people in supposed modern day situations are thrown to the lions of ignorance where they are judged en masse and given some version of a sentence. (Has anything really changed since biblical times?) We are actually quite addicted to it and find it hard to contemplate life without it.
The anger that arises in the mind when it is affronted with the idea that we are not what we think we are and neither is the so called ‘tangible’ world, is the consequence of limiting yourself to a set of circumstances and then, believing in them whole heartedly to the point where the constrictions of your ‘movie’ run your life. I.e., ‘I’ am human, this is ‘my’ life, this is my family, my house, my car, and my job and these are my things. These people are ‘good’, these people are ‘bad’. Anything that threatens ‘me’ and ‘mine’ is BAD and anything that enhances my idea of happiness is ‘GOOD’. I watch the news and judge that these events I have heard about are ‘bad’, therefore, the ones who I believe have perpetrated them are also ‘bad’ and deserve punishment. And so on and so forth until there are layers upon layers of stories about all kinds of imaginary things.
It is endless; it is reactive; it perpetuates the cycle of guilt, revenge and suffering… and it is all occurring within the realm of perception. In fact, it’s all back to front just like Alice’s wonderland. Just a quick note here: I’m sure you remember from human biology at school that when light photons are projected into your eyes that your initial perception sees things upside down. It is only when the brain turns them the right way up that you ‘see’ what it is you think you are seeing. And our whole lives are lived back to front where we really believe that we are the victim of these image-inary perceptions
Of course, the instant reaction, when one has become aware of such flaws in our ‘reality’ is ‘well, how do ‘I’ fix it? And hence another cycle of events around ‘fixing it’ begin. But the truth is; you CAN’T fix it. Think of it in this way. If you were watching a film at the cinema, you wouldn’t try to fix it but merely enjoy it (or not ,if it’s crap!) and in any case observe it. The reason you wouldn’t care too much to fix it is because you would be aware that it s just a film, not a reality.
The ‘way out’ sign hangs over the spontaneous realisation that ‘I’ and everything in ‘my’ world is absolutely illusory – a phantom of smoke in the mist that can suddenly disappear as if it were nothing. However, this 'seeing' of the way things are rather than as you would like them to be is absolutely impossible to grasp with the ‘I’ because it is continuously occurring outside the format of ‘I’. Like a niggling itch that cannot be scratched, the ‘I’ forever seeks the dissolution of itself but through its seeking, ensures it will never attain the liberation it desires. Liberation is constantly and freely offered through every nuance of life itself but ‘you’ cannot have it. This is the grand paradox; it cannot be done. It can be, however, reached for with intent and the decision of renunciation.
Contrary to accepted belief, renunciation is not about reducing your wardrobe to a loin cloth and living alone in the wilderness with no external needs except the occasional handful of rice. Renunciation is more about recognising that what the world is offering absolutely cannot give you lasting happiness, freedom or anything that is permanently worthwhile or meaningful. You might protest and say – well what about this or that, what about love? But is love really an offering from the world, or an inner state that has nothing to do with externalities? Most of the deepest and most meaningful incidents in our lives happen outside of time and space, often through a mysterious movement of grace, and have nothing to do with the world, but in the true style of one who is imprisoned in the dream, we continue to credit them to the ‘world’: ‘If only I can get/have, then I’ll be happy…’. It is all a type of seeking, from coveting a gold plated Rolls Royce to attaining enlightenment.
In the cycle of suffering much is promised but very little is actually delivered and we remain in a constant state of longing for that ‘one thing’ that is going to end the constant search; the ‘one thing’ that will make it alright so that we may lay down our heads and finally get some real peace. We say, ‘that’s the way life is, that’s the way humans are’ etc. If you are content to live out your life in this manner then please, with all the goodwill in the world, go ahead. Traipsing down a path as narrow as a razor’s edge isn’t everyone’s idea of fun (not even mine) and there’s no guarantee of any results in this life or even the next 1,000 but if you are compelled then what can be done?
And this brings us back to the choicelessness of what you are. You may think you are in control, that you make decisions about this or that and choose different things and this is all true, in the dream. But when you awaken from that dream, you see that these choices held no substance because the scenario in which they ywere played out was entirely illusory. Nothing happened; You are not what you think and this so called ‘reality’ is not what it seems but one thing is for sure and that is, you are not guilty of anything at all.
In the cycling and re-cycling of souls we have all been everyone and done everything; played all the roles and are now ready for the final part of the play. It is the role of self forgiveness because your innocence is and always has been perfectly intact; what you have always searched for is right here. The difference between this time and the ‘old school days’ is that liberation is readily available in any moment now. Your case is dismissed. You can go Home! Any moment you start to see the stage instead of the actors, the screen instead of the movie. Any moment you see the background instead of the foreground which is where the quiet revolution is constantly and effortlessly occurring, offering itself to be seen…
Any moment now…
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